Dear Evy:

Sweet girl, I just typed the morning of your last day. It would make anyone weep. Tears have flooded down my face this week as I remember parts of the hospital stay. It’s just too sad. So as I finished writing it, I felt there were a few things that were left out. There was beauty in that day. So I deleted the other post and I’m going to recount the beauty of your last day on Earth. 

Isaiah 61:3 To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

Three years ago today, we woke up in the PICU at Children’s Hospital. We had a sweet friend, Kelli, bring us breakfast that morning. She packed muffins and fresh fruit. It was perfect and sweet. The nurse we had on your last day, was simply the best. She took one look at you and saw red flags and jumped into action. While she was setting up the bed for your cath and central line, she asked if I would hold you. I was hesitant because I didn’t want to slow down the process. She insisted. It was the last time I held you. I am so grateful she insisted. I was able to hold your beautiful little self, one last time. The waiting room that day was packed. It was full of love for you. It was a beautiful mix of prayers, tears and smiles. They were all for you that day. We were so blessed to be surrounded by loved ones everywhere. 

As the day progressed, your little body just couldn’t take anymore. You didn’t look like ou     r little baby. So many tubes and wires. Your little body was cold. The nurses and staff were sweet and gentle. It was the saddest hours of my life. But as I was remembering this day, I started reading in my bible and I came across this beautiful verse about heaven:

Revelation 21:3-4 I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, “Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.” 

This is the most beautiful part of that day. He wiped your tears. He saw your pain and took it away. He defeated death and took you home. Your life was beautiful and so was its ending. 

If we choose to focus on all of what is sad, we can miss out on the beauty. We could miss the beautiful pink peonies that are blooming. We could miss the sweetness of your smile. We could miss all of the good God has blessed us with. I’ll say yes to the beauty of your life sweet girl.