God is just full of surprises. Adam and I had decided we were done birthing children. We “thought” adoption was the plan. God’s plan to be exact. He had placed it on our hearts so that was what we were going to do. We had put our home study in for a couple of different sibling sets and individual children through the months of December and January. We had done the newborn thing 4 times and were wanting a toddler to young child to adopt out of foster care. God calls us to take care of the orphans, so how could this not be God’s plan? Well obviously we were doing the thinking and taking control instead of really letting God have a say. But His way, always wins.
Adam had talked about getting snipped after we adopted Elijah. I didn’t like the thought of being pregnant anymore than what
Adam did, but I told him we should wait a year and pray about it. On July 15, 2017, during a service at Crossroads, we had a guest speaker none other than the amazing Jo Saxton. At the end of her sermon, she asked us all to pray. She said think of something really hard that you have been through or going through. (I’m paraphrasing) Well, you would think I would envision Evy and the grief that accompanied her death. But instead I had a vision of me being pregnant. It wasn’t a past tense vision, because my last pregnancy with Alayna was really hard, but this seemed to be in the future. It took me by surprise. I had shared this vision with a friend and she said maybe it was more prophetic as like I’m pregnant with a thought, instead of actually pregnant. But the image was very clear and burned into my mind. I can remember exactly where I was sitting at church, Jo Saxton standing on stage / screen, and me with my eyes closed in prayer with a vision of me being pregnant.
Well you would think that would be a big enough sign / direction given by God to tell me that we weren’t done having children. But I tucked it into the back of my mind and onward we went with adoption. I was a month pregnant when we were putting in home studies for children to add to our home. The flu was going around really bad and I just thought I had a slight touch of something that was making me queasy. I was leaving for Nicaragua on a mission trip in a week and wasn’t feeling much better. And then it hit me. I called my husband, who was at work, and asked him to stop by the store and bring home a pregnancy test, totally catching him off guard. The pregnancy test instantly went to two pink lines. Surprise, I’m pregnant!
Fast forward to 20 weeks pregnant. We decided to find out the gender of this baby. With the three girls, we always waited until the birth. But this little one was a big enough surprise that we decided to go ahead and find out the gender. After having 3 girls, I just assumed this would be a girl too, which was fine because I had plenty of names I wanted to use still. Surprise, it’s a boy!! For anyone who follows me on Facebook, they might have noticed the look on my face when the blue balloons popped out of the box. Excited was not the word you would use to describe my facial expression.
In complete and utter honesty, I was worried about how I would bond with this little boy. I couldn’t envision having a boy. I already felt disconnected from him and he was still growing inside me. It was an internal struggle. I can’t explain why I felt this way, but it is the raw, naked truth. But it wasn’t only just the gender, the thought of nursing again and sleepless nights, and recovery from delivery, was all overwhelming me.
The day of arrival, August 31st, with a fast 2 hours of labor, this baby boy was born. Franklin Jameson. 8lbs 9ozs. Born on what would have been his Great Grandpa Frank’s 100th birthday. The doctor laid this sweet precious baby boy into my arms. He was perfect from his round head to his bright eyes, down to his outstretched toes.
God had a perfect plan. He knew exactly what I needed. He knew I needed this little boy. So much love pours out of my heart for him in these 10 days that I’ve held him in my arms. I had a slow recovery that had me on bed rest for several days in a lot of pain. But I can’t really complain about that. I feel it was God’s opportunity to allow me to slow down. To enjoy this time with my sweet baby boy. We had time to bond, snuggle and just relax as a new mom and baby should. If I didn’t have this hematoma, I would have been doing some work in and out of the office, taking care of the older children and probably planting mums. But instead, I loved on my son. My sweet son. Yes, God knew what He was doing. He is full of the best surprises and has way better plans that I could dream. I love you Frankie James and I’m so glad the balloons were blue.
Dear Evy: 