Hi Evelyn. You’ve been on my mind, not that you’re never not, but I have been thinking a lot more about you in Heaven. I watched the movie ‘Heaven is for Real’ but wasn’t overly impressed. What I didn’t like was the fact people were questioning if Heaven was really real. If it’s not real, then where are you. That thought is unbearable. I know Heaven is for real and your innocence has taken you straight to Heaven. You weren’t old enough to be “bad” or “mean” or anything but just pure. Just sweet. Just innocent. You were just so content and happy. Always.
I don’t feel whole with you not here. As time goes on, it doesn’t get easier. I just miss you more and more. Others have their own lives and own children to continue on with. Yes they are sad and heartbroken, but they don’t have an empty crib. Or a long lost echo of “ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma”. My arms are empty. My heart aches. I watched videos of you today and tears just streamed down my face. The only thing that brings me out of my deep sadness is thoughts of you in Heaven and that I will one day see you again.
In the past, me included, I’ve heard people say that it is no fun being good and we jokingly talk about Heaven and Hell. I too joked. Well now it is no joke. I want more than anything to see you again, my sweet baby girl. I have leaned on God more than ever through this and hope he guides me through the rest of my life. My belief in God has given me the strength to keep moving forward. I am listening to Him with open ears. I’m not saying I will always be perfect or always make the right decisions, but I have a reason more than ever to want a direct ticket to Heaven. I want to spend forever with you, Evelyn.