Hi Evelyn. You’ve been on my mind, not that you’re never not, but I have been thinking a lot more about you in Heaven. I watched the movie ‘Heaven is for Real’ but wasn’t overly impressed. What I didn’t like was the fact people were questioning if Heaven was really real. If it’s not real, then where are you. That thought is unbearable. I know Heaven is for real and your innocence has taken you straight to Heaven. You weren’t old enough to be “bad” or “mean” or anything but just pure. Just sweet. Just innocent. You were just so content and happy. Always.
I don’t feel whole with you not here. As time goes on, it doesn’t get easier. I just miss you more and more. Others have their own lives and own children to continue on with. Yes they are sad and heartbroken, but they don’t have an empty crib. Or a long lost echo of “ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma”. My arms are empty. My heart aches. I watched videos of you today and tears just streamed down my face. The only thing that brings me out of my deep sadness is thoughts of you in Heaven and that I will one day see you again.
In the past, me included, I’ve heard people say that it is no fun being good and we jokingly talk about Heaven and Hell. I too joked. Well now it is no joke. I want more than anything to see you again, my sweet baby girl. I have leaned on God more than ever through this and hope he guides me through the rest of my life. My belief in God has given me the strength to keep moving forward. I am listening to Him with open ears. I’m not saying I will always be perfect or always make the right decisions, but I have a reason more than ever to want a direct ticket to Heaven. I want to spend forever with you, Evelyn.
3 thoughts on “Dear Evy: Heaven is for Real”
And you will Ms. Beth, you will definitely be in Heaven, too!
I have no doubt that heaven is for real! These posts make me love your Christian heart. God is holding you, Adam, and Ava in the palm of his hands and loving you!
I too have those desires to be good so I too can go to heaven to be with the girls. The night they died my entire family was worried that I would kill myself. I did think about it. But then I realized that if I did commit suicide then I would not be going to heaven to be with the girls. That thought alone keeps me here on earth. There is a God and there is a heaven. Evy, Jocelyn, and Shaylyn are playing there until we get there. I so miss the girls. When they were upset, hurt, or sick it was always Nana they wanted. If you asked them whose girls they were they would say Nana. I was so lucky to live with them, an honor that most grandparents don’t have. Was with them every day except for a week I was on vacation with my sister. They were there to meet me when I got off the plane which was a surprise. I was there when my daughter found out she was pregnant, the first to see they were twins, and there when her water broke. We were told we would not see the babies for about an hour after their birth. We got to see them not long after they were born while Bryeanna was still in recovery. I wish I had started a blog when the girls passed. It helps reading yours and being able to share with you.