Life has been so hard since the autopsy report. I have wrote you several letters that I just haven’t been able to post. The autopsy results were the same as the preliminary results, but the in depth reading of each organ failure has just put us in such a sad place. It’s like reliving each day in the hospital and watching it all in slow motion. In hindsight we would have done so much differently. We would have screamed at the top of our longs everyday to get more test and more doctors to look at you. I would have insisted that 104.6 and 104.8 fever for several days was more than a stomach bug. To run more test, to treat you with medicine, not just sedate you because the doctors believed your tummy hurt, when actually your whole body was shutting down and you had no kidney function while being filled with double doses of fluids.
These aren’t uplifting thoughts, but when you know the outcome, reliving the days in the hospital are excruciating. It’s like a movie on repeat that you can’t forget or change. The only thing that keeps us going is doing day to day things. We have to continue to live our lives. We do everything that we normally do and try to stay in a routine. We try to remember you happy. We look at your pictures. We still do Sunday night dinner with our friends, but more like family. We went on vacation. We have to. But not without you. You are always with us. We think of you constantly and you are etched into our hearts and literally onto our skin 🙂 You could never be forgotten.
I just love you so much and the I love thinking of the sweet memories, but unfortunately they are laced with sadness. Hopefully with a few more prayers and uplifting thoughts we can get out of our sad rut and back to picturing our sweet thoughts of Jesus holding your hand and tucking you in at night. We have another mass on Friday being said in your honor. There is nothing sweeter than hearing your name said and when said during mass, even sweeter. Goodnight sweet baby girl. We love you Evelyn Sarah.