Sweet girl, I’m not sure why I become uber emotional when flying, but as the plane takes off, I have tears streaming down my face thinking of you. Maybe because I have no other distractions and rarely find myself having time to let my mind wonder. I was just saying a little prayer and realized how different life has become these last 5 months. Your baby sister has turned 5 months and has brought my heart so much joy and happiness. I feel so full of love and not so broken. She is a wonderful blessing. I see parts of you in her, yet she has her own features. It soothes my aching heart to see these glimpses of you and helps to bring back real memories of your life. But at this 5 month mark, it also makes me sad to think that 5 months was half of your little life on earth. Only five more months we had with you.
I have told your daddy more than once, not to his liking, that if I would pass too early in life, not to mourn me. I wanted him to know that I would be happy being reunited with you. I wanted him to be at ease. Well obviously he wasn’t going to be at ease and wasn’t too fond of my thought. He would be happy to know, I have changed my position. Your baby sister has given me a whole new reason to live – to really live. Alayna needs her mommy. Her youth and innocence need molding and shaping by a mother’s love. Ava, I thought would be fine because she is such a daddy’s girl, but who would then referee their arguments? As I sit on the plane and think of traveling with my mom and how we used to play hangman and tic tac toe in flight, it makes me excited to do those things with your sisters. So much life to live.
Most of all, I realize you don’t need me. You don’t need me to be by your side. You are sitting next to our Lord and Savior, tucked in at night by Jesus’ gentle hands, wrapped lovingly in the arms of an angel. I did my part. I gave you love and sweet kisses. I rocked you, nursed you and sang lullabies. I held your little hand as you went walking into the blessings of eternal life with our King, because you my child, are a princess.