Dear Evy:

promising to live a happy and simpler life in honor of my evelyn

Sweet Evelyn, I feel most times I start to write because I am having a rough time. Your autopsy results I received this week have left me in a fog. The findings didn’t make sense and had me asking a lot of questions like “How?”. I sometimes get angry thinking that I can’t believe no one realized how sick you really were or why the doctors didn’t do more test. But getting angry doesn’t get me anywhere. It doesn’t bring you back to me. I am sad, I am lonely and I am grieving. But anger, it just leads me to a darker place. Some people tell me to feel every emotion that I stumble across. Angry just isn’t a good fit for me. I made a promise to you – to be happy and to live my life with joy and love.

I have a choice every day. I can be angry and think why and how did this happened, or I can think of you with love and the joy your life brought to me. I’m not saying that the love and joy won’t make me shed tears. I won’t always be smiling. But I have a choice. Everyday I have a choice. Thinking of my promise to you helps me strive to be happy. Not a fake happy with a smile plastered on my face, but a true happy from the deep love that I have for you. I choose you. I choose to be positive. I choose to honor you. I choose to live, but with you as my guiding light and your memory forever in my heart.

I just love you so much.

 

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One thought on “Dear Evy: I can choose

  1. Kelly says:

    I love reading your blog. I usually finding myself reading an entry, thinking about it for a second, reading it again, and then really digesting it for the rest of the day. I think often people find themselves avoiding those who have lost loved ones or gone through tragedy because it’s awkward or they don’t know what to say. Somehow with you it’s the opposite. Your openness and strength draw people to you, and it’s truly inspirational. This particular entry I have been thinking about for days. It’s remarkable. I’m not sure where this inner strength of yours comes from, whether it’s your faith, little Evy working within you, pure honest love, or a combination or something else altogether, but it’s there. You are so strong and genuine and just amazing. You’re right, you do get to chose, and the fact that you know this and continue to chose light is something I will always remember. Somehow you are still you. Love and prayers to you and Adam and your families everyday!!

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