Evelyn, It’s 4:35 AM and I can’t sleep. This is my first night since you passed that I haven’t been able to sleep. Your sister has been sleeping restlessly, therefore it is hard for me to sleep. I started watching TV so my mind never wondered to you until I was falling back asleep. Flashes of you in the hospital were surfacing. It’s heart wrenching. I try to focus on you when you were happy and healthy, but I feel I can only see you in the pictures that I took. Real memories seem to be escaping me. Is it because I have been looking at your pictures so much lately? Am I already forgetting real memories? It has only been three weeks but every image that I am picturing of you in my mind is from an actual picture I took. I want real moments. Moments that weren’t captured by the camera.
I’m hoping that I’m just too tired to search my thoughts that deep. Hopefully by morning live video of real memories will be streaming through my mind. That is all I have left. I don’t want to lose those too.