Dear Evy:

5 months is such a hard number. You’ve been gone for 5 months. That is half of your age. You were only here with us for what seems like a moment. A moment that went by too fast, but yet the years I have to spend without you seem like an eternity.

It’s a fine line between living and dying when grieving. I walk it and think of both sides. Living: I’m going to live the life you didn’t get. I’m going to do something great with your memory. Your life will change lives. You have big plans for us. I’m going to cherish every moment and make new memories to hold on to while I live my life on Earth.  Live Simple. Be Happy.

Dying: I get you back. I get to be with you in Heaven when my time comes. I get to be with my girl and see that you are in Jesus’s arms. My heart will be whole again. I get to see the Land of Glory. I’m no longer scared of death. After I have lost you, how can death be scary?

How do I live my life on Earth while in the back of my mind I’m being told how wonderful Heaven is and that you are there too? It’s a fine line. It would be easy to go too far over that line in the wrong direction. This is where God comes in and you too Evelyn. I know my time on Earth is needed. I have to be here to carry out your memory. I have to do something great with your beautiful name that I fell in love with. God has a wonderful plan for me. I have your sister to raise and hopefully God will bless your dad and I with more children. So as long as you continue to be present in my life and hold the pieces of my heart together, I will wait patiently until I see you again.