As we are getting the New Baby’s room ready…yes that is the nickname of our expected bundle of joy coined by our 4 year old…we are packing some sentimental belongings of Evelyn’s into a hope chest with Evy’s name inscribed on the lid. Reading through cards, poems, letters and the kindest words, I also came across a copy of the Eulogy. It seems like another life when I wrote it. It brought back so many real, raw emotions that just made me sit and cry. But I am so glad that I wrote and spoke her eulogy at the funeral. As her momma, I wanted everyone to know what joy she brought to us and what a gift from Heaven she truly was / is. So here are the words I spoke about my Evelyn…
Before I was even pregnant with our second child, I knew I wanted another girl because I had the perfect name picked out. My grandmother’s middle name was Evelyn and she had always loved the name Sarah. And I thought we would call her Evy for short, and I just loved the way Ava and Evy sounded. Adam hated the name and said no. That didn’t bother me, because I knew that would be her name. My mind was made. He said only 80-year-old women are named Evelyn. Well my Evelyn didn’t make it to 80, so there are also Baby Angels named Evelyn.
Evelyn Sarah was a mommy’s girl and I just loved that. She was just all mine. Other’s would hold her, but if she started to fuss and I would take her, she would just smile and smile, “Like look, I just got exactly what I wanted, my mommy.” She would just grin.
During her final day, they were trying so hard to put in another IV and they were trying to find an artery with a tiny sonogram. So I was talking to her and they said she could hear me, because whenever I spoke, her heart rate went up. So I just kept on talking.
All the prayers didn’t save my little girl, but they gave me so so much strength during her final moments. I was able to cherish and love and talk to her and enjoy her final moments. I thank everyone so much for giving me that strength through prayer.
A friend of mine put it in a new perspective for me and passed on something she heard before – God did not take our daughter, it was not His will. It is not his will to let bad things happen. God was all around her and he was simply there to catch her in his arms as she fell.
So I do not have time to be angry at God or think that this was his doing. My faith has been tested and it is stronger than ever. The most beautiful thing happened the day after she passed. We met with the funeral home and I looked through a book of prayers. Most did not fit, but as soon as I saw this one I knew that was it. Later that day I was outside with a good friend and the smallest breeze just touched my cheek. It felt so different. I ran to get my phone to look at the prayer that I had picked out and it goes
“I Shall Always be near you; In the gladdest days and in the darkest nights…
Always always and if there be a soft breeze upon your cheek, it shall be my breath.”
Right then, I knew that was her. It was the sweetest gift she could have given me. It was just wonderful.
She was the most happy and simple baby for the 10 months that I was able to cherish her. To be negative about this whole experience would only get in the way of all my wonderful memories. She was put on this earth for a reason so I am going to try to learn from her and be happy and lead a simpler life in honor of our happy, simple baby. She made quite an impact on all of us in those 10 months. Oh I love you so so much Evelyn Sarah and am so so proud of you.