We are back from a weeks vacation, but no WIFI had left me unable to type. A week without typing just built my emotions up and left me crying at everything little thing. Whenever I write to Evelyn it is a great way to get all my feelings off my chest and release a flood of tears. So while the vacation was very nice, I love being back home in my memories. Although whenever we leave the house for days and then come back, it brings on all new tears and pain.
But why I am really writing, is to share a commonly asked question. The last picture I took of Evelyn in the hospital, letting everyone know she had passed, she had something in her hand. Several people have asked what it was. Soon after her little heart stopped, a couple came in the room called Memory Makers provided by Children’s. They took handprints, hand casts, a couple lockets of hair and gave us a few items. One of those items were these little ceramic squares with a heart embedded on top.
One was for Evelyn and the other was for us to keep. I just loved this idea. She had hers and we had the exact same thing. It is just a way for us to feel near to her. That is at least how I interpreted it. I instantly placed it in her hand and her fingers just held it in place perfectly. The Memory Makers had other keepsake items like an angel wing small blanket that Evy could be wrapped in and one for us to keep. To me though, they didn’t match, it was never hers, and I just didn’t feel connected to that idea. So both blankets now sit in the closet.
Adam and I aren’t much on keepsakes. We didn’t really keep anything from our wedding and aren’t much on knickknacks. But this little ceramic heart has been the exception. We left Evy with hers and we took ours home and took turns carrying it in our pocket. A funny story about it (although most wouldn’t consider it funny, but the little comic relief moments are what keep me going.) When we showed up to the visitation, she didn’t have hers. Somehow it didn’t make the transition from the hospital to the funeral home.
Of course, the one keepsake that really resinated with me, was lost. Most probably would have cried, I just laughed. My daughter looked so beautiful and that was more sweet to me than anything. Before the funeral and before they closed the little coffin, we gave her our heart. It was fitting because she really did have our hearts. It fit perfectly into her hand again and she will continue to have our hearts forever.
We did contact the Memory Makers and they graciously sent us 4 new ceramic hearts. So now Adam and I and Ava can each have our own. I carry mine with and sometimes take a picture of it wherever we are so that my sweet Evelyn can be remembered at those places too.
Dear Evy: 